New Threat to Our Way of Life: Giant Pythons!
The giant snakes are slithering from Florida toward the Bay Area, very slowly to be sure, but inexorably. And they can strangle and eat an entire alligator.
The U.S. Geological Survey released a map Wednesday showing that the Bay Area has comfortable climatic conditions for the python. It also said the reptile, which prefers to swallow its prey in one gulp, is "highly adaptable to new environments" and cannot be stopped. (emphasis mine)
The snakes weigh up to 250 pounds and slither at a rate of 20 miles per month, according to USGS zoologist Gordon Rodda. They are not staying put. In fact, one of them has already slithered about 100 miles toward San Francisco.
...
At 20 miles a month, a determined Burmese python from Florida could arrive in San Francisco as early as August 2020.
Oh SF Chron, you rascal -- it's not even April 1st! Though I must admit it is slightly exciting to imagine pythons or anacondas or some other crazy shit in San Joaquin Valley irrigation ditches, eating coyotes and city folk. I suppose to be safe, in 2020 it'll be time to move to Denver.
I feel compelled to say yet again that this is why I don't live in Dixie -- the Australia of the United States.
Completely off the subject, but I dreamt last night that I was in a fast food restaurant where there were live kittens curled up in those flat french fry boxes like you get in a cafeteria or stadium, and then being placed under heat lamps and people were picking them up like rotisserie chickens.
must. stop. being. ill.
The giant snakes are slithering from Florida toward the Bay Area, very slowly to be sure, but inexorably. And they can strangle and eat an entire alligator.
The U.S. Geological Survey released a map Wednesday showing that the Bay Area has comfortable climatic conditions for the python. It also said the reptile, which prefers to swallow its prey in one gulp, is "highly adaptable to new environments" and cannot be stopped. (emphasis mine)
The snakes weigh up to 250 pounds and slither at a rate of 20 miles per month, according to USGS zoologist Gordon Rodda. They are not staying put. In fact, one of them has already slithered about 100 miles toward San Francisco.
...
At 20 miles a month, a determined Burmese python from Florida could arrive in San Francisco as early as August 2020.
Oh SF Chron, you rascal -- it's not even April 1st! Though I must admit it is slightly exciting to imagine pythons or anacondas or some other crazy shit in San Joaquin Valley irrigation ditches, eating coyotes and city folk. I suppose to be safe, in 2020 it'll be time to move to Denver.
I feel compelled to say yet again that this is why I don't live in Dixie -- the Australia of the United States.
Completely off the subject, but I dreamt last night that I was in a fast food restaurant where there were live kittens curled up in those flat french fry boxes like you get in a cafeteria or stadium, and then being placed under heat lamps and people were picking them up like rotisserie chickens.
must. stop. being. ill.
Labels: being ill, Dixie, SF Chronicle
posted by Ammie at 2:13 PM
6 Comments:
You'll absolutely be safe if you move to Denver. Safe and so, so bored.
PS all of a sudden, I miss everyone in the Bay area. Maybe it has to do with the three white russians I just pounded.
Yeah, safe until there are ice pythons.
You beat up some Russians and now you miss us?
BTW, Berit is trying to get me and T to consider moving to Denver, so is there anything good you can say about it? Anything truthful, that is. No pythons and houses cheaper than Cali, good. Colder than fuck, bad. That's about all I know.
Do you have restaurants with live kittens for sale?
You wont be bored in Denver, Cause I'm there, and I need a friend! Who woulda guessed?
There are trees in my own yard that I will not walk under until I have inspected them and determined that there are no snakes, spiders, or scorpions waiting to drop onto my head. I shit you not.
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