Thursday, May 03, 2007

You know those horrendous fires going on in Waycross, Georgia? Okay, well, I'm not here to talk about the fires, but something from a picture of the fire coverage that has come back to haunt me.

Take a look at this:

This is some scary shit, yo.

You know, people from other states and countries go off to me all the time about how dangerous they think it is to live in California. "The earthquakes," they cry. Oh boo-hoo. That's about all we've got here that can kill you, and that's pretty much just San Francisco and Los Angeles. For real. Alright, maybe a rattlesnake, bear, or mountain lion, or the errant spray from an AK-47, or an overpass collapsing from a fiery explosion can fatally maim here or there, but whatever -- the South's all over that shit too. It's a fact, California is magnificent, yet wussy. But that Dixie, hoo boy, now she don't mess around.

Oh yes.

They've got muthafucking ALLIGATORS and (poisonous water) SNAKES in their muthafucking PONDS and LAKES!

I don't swim in the ocean because of sharks. But I love swimming in Cali's freshwater rivers, ponds, and lakes. Just think what that thing could do to you. Gah.


Blogger Trevor said...

You know, I never saw snakes on a plane, but if they had gotten Sam Jackson, or maybe Jack Palance (something digital of course, god rest his soul) to wrestle a crocodile or alligator that had somehow also been smuggled on board, I might have gone to see it.

May 3, 2007 at 10:38:00 PM PDT  
Blogger stardust savant said...

Here in the Deep South, an alligator can be found in most any type of body of water...including some swimming pools. The same goes for water moccasins and other water-loving things that can kill you. But that's not even the worst of it. We have scorpions, spiders, palmetto bugs (huge roaches, if you're not familiar with the euphemism), rattlesnakes, and possums - all of which can do some serious damage to you. Okay, so gigantor roaches won't damage you physically, unless you vomit while killing them, slip, and hit your head, but most damage they do is mental. I turn into a screaming two-year old at the sight of one and track down Michael to kill it for me.

But what is really fun is the brown recluse spider. Hells yeah, baby. Michael and I walked out into the garage the other night to find a brown recluse the size of my hand staring at us from a cooler next to our garage steps, daring us to come closer so it could jump on us and kill us. So we killed the fucker with a pot of boiling water. We were all out of bug spray and we had to kill it before it got us or one of our four-legged children. Seriously, the venom from a brown recluse spider will kill a human.

Oh, and it gets worse. If there are any droughts, the bugs go inside to find water. If there is flooding, the bugs go inside to hide form water. You will find out how important a properly sealed house is really quickly down here in the Deep South.

May 10, 2007 at 8:15:00 AM PDT  

Post a Comment

<< Home