Amazeballs.



"17 countries and it has to be unanimous -- unanimous! I can't even get three friends to agree on a restaurant, can you imagine how hard it would be if none of us spoke the same language and our grandparents killed each other in WWII?"

I'm a Pilates freak, and by Pilates I mean waffles.

One of the things I like to bring out most this time of year is my balls.



No one can resist my Schweddy Balls.

Happy Holidays!

Oh holy jeebus, sometimes I'm gloriously reminded why I really want a teevee again.



And John Malkovich was the host. When SNL is on, they are on. Crowding around the laptop just won't do it justice.

teeveeteeveeteeveeteeveeteeveeteevee

I love you, Tina Fey.

Oh glorious April 2008 issue of Vanity Fair!

























Who Says Women Aren't Funny?

Certainly, the rewards of wit are not nearly as ample for women as for men, and sometimes funny women are actually penalized. Not everything has changed since 1885, when educator Kate Sanborn tried to refute the conventional male wisdom in her book The Wit of Women. Sanborn pointed out that women have good reason to keep their one-liners to themselves. “No man likes to have his story capped by a better and fresher from a lady’s lips,” she wrote. “What woman does not risk being called sarcastic and hateful if she throws the merry dart or engages in a little sharp-shooting. No, no, it’s dangerous—if not fatal.”

Or as Joan Rivers puts it, “Men find funny women threatening. They ask me, ‘Are you going to be funny in bed?’?”

...

It used to be that women were not funny. Then they couldn’t be funny if they were pretty. Now a female comedian has to be pretty—even sexy—to get a laugh.

...

There has been a epochal change even from 20 years ago, when female stand-up comics mostly complained about the female condition—cellulite and cellophane—and Joan Rivers and Roseanne Barr perfectly represented the two poles of acceptable female humor: feline self-derision or macho-feminist ferocity.

Comedy has changed on sitcoms, in clubs, and on Saturday Night Live. The repertoire of women isn’t limited to self-loathing or man-hating anymore; the humor is more eclectic, serene, and organic.

Love Annie Leibovitz's shots of some of my favorite smart, funny, feminist women -- Amy Poehler, Amy Sedaris, Sarah Silverman, and Tina Fey -- done up like some the most tragic yet high-profile examples of our gender: casualties of celebrity or unformed, outdated, and patriarchal ideas of power and womanhood:













Check the spot-on Amy Winehouse in Sarah Silverman:













My only gripe -- where is my beloved Margaret Cho?

Oh man, this is class.



And speaking of wasting time clicking links and looking for cool shit on insane cultural phenomena like GooTube: even though Saturday Night Live has its sucky months (or years), I still could spend all day clicking links in the SNL Wiki.

BTW, I love you Will Forte. You have been added to my man-harem to have my man-harem babies.

So yeah, anyway, karma. It's a goddess.

If you don't know what I'm talking about, check out the wiki on dolphin hunting methods in Japan.

Texas-Based Pizza Chain Accepts Pesos.

Why is this national news, and why do I care? Because:

A pizza chain has been hit with death threats and hate mail after offering to accept Mexican pesos, becoming another flashpoint in the nation's debate over immigrants.

"This is the United States of America, not the United States of Mexico," one e-mail read. "Quit catering to the damn illegal Mexicans," demanded another.

I laughed, because yesterday on SFGate this article was the centerpiece:

Mexicans Flee Tijuana for U.S.

(01-09) 11:28 PST Chula Vista, Calif. (AP) --

A border city that has long watched illegal immigrants pass through on their way to low-wage jobs up north is increasingly welcoming a very different kind of arrival: wealthy Mexicans seeking refuge from kidnappings and other violence.

"I feel a sense of relief as soon as I cross the border," [said] Lorena Flores, in the living room of their sparsely furnished home, which the couple bought for $585,000. (emphasis mine)

We want your property taxes and your cheap labor, Mexicans, but not your stinking currency! Go spend that money at home! And while we're at it, why do you come here and make money and then send it back to Mexico instead of spending it here and boosting our.....? Uh, er, nevermind.

Haha, whatever. SFGate should have actually titled that first article about the pizza chain, "Why We'll Never Be Europe." Here's another reason.

I think that role models should be close to home, rather than people you don't know at all. That's why I'm so honest about everything that goes on in my life, 'cos I understand that there are young kids who look up to singers and people in the media as role models. But you don't really know anything about their lives. They don't talk about their weird sex habits and drug habits (laughs). Yet you idolize them. And when it eventually gets printed all over the papers, people become very disappointed. -- Lily Allen

Now, I don't know shite about Lily Allen except for what the media tells me. But I do know I live in a country that idolizes Tom and Paris and Britney and their excruciating lives, so hearing about someone like this Allen chick is pretty refreshing. Maybe it's a put-on, but if so, it's a damn good one.