Not a fan of Dave Eggers at all, to the point of not wanting to promote any of his stuff, but my friend John put this together for McSweeney's, and it is just too good to lock away.
What Your Favorite Classic Rock Band Says About You
The descriptions for Deep Purple and Rainbow are hilarious, but I found the Eagles' description especially LOL, yet so seriously apt.
P.S. I don't own any of these, but I do have the 90s version of these. Close enough?