Ha, here's something that would definitely get people out of bed in the morning. Hilarious, but if this were real, with the status of my bank account and the way I sleep in, I'd be bankrupt to Operation Rescue or summat in one snooze session.

Speaking of terror, so glad my government is still dedicated to protecting us from terrorists, even though we can't seem to protect the world from ourselves. Check that article title, BTW -- at press time it was "Disabled Spy Satellite Threatens Earth." Whatever sells, I guess.

Well, at least someone cares a bit about humanity, and doesn't want to blow me up.